I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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