Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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