I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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