someone threw a dead crab at me
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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