well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
