Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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