Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
