my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
