My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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