Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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