someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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