What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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