yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
