cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize