Its about making memories worth repressing
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
