I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I need to calm my uterus...
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
