All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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