Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
