Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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