i would punch a child for taco bell
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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