Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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