I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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