Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
