You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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