half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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