whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
