I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
