I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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