We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Text me some of your sweat
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
