Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
