I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
