I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
