Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
