He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
