I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
