i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize