tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
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