There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We have started to decorate penises.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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