You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
