well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
