The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
