Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
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