i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
