; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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