so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
