oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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