i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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