Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
