So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
