The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
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