i was rollin on her like bob the builder
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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