I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
