She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize