There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I want a musical about memes.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
