EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Still dying that you shit outside
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
