What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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