I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
my poor anus
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
