I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
