my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
