Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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