I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
