Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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