Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
It's official drugs can't kill me
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
