Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
