my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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