Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
